The Freeze

(Wallpaper safari)

How long has it been since I felt the faintest spark of energy in my limbs?

Paranoia has tied my mind into obedience,

I cannot recall any feeling of self-confidence;

No, feelings are fleeting, it was more of a… state of mind.

A program.

Before the freeze

I do remember the occurrence of terror and helplessness,

Announced by exhaustion and ignored pain.

Echoes of the past.

Oh no, not you! I only knew what you sounded like

But here you emerge with your face and body blinding me!

Now paralyzed, the only motion I manage is slipping.

Slipping off into the dark pits of childhood fears long avoided.

Doom.

I have realized that

Running from Doom is Doom in Itself.

And for years I have done so

Until it caught me by the throat.

The ice sometimes does break

When I somehow manage to spit fire from deep within;

The will to master…

And be of good help to my inner child.

Nobody’s coming to save you

Yet everyone — I mean, all versions of me — is headed towards you;

Sometimes they’ll be coming for you

Sometimes they’ll be rescuing you;

Sometimes we’ll be coming for you

Sometimes we’re too harsh to ourselves in dire need

Sometimes we’ll arrive to the rescue

And I would love for it to always be for salvation but never again at the same time…

For I do no longer wish to have to be saved from monsters like

Trauma and its nasty brats of children that keep bugging you and rob you of the present.

The freeze teaches

It grows your psychic muscles

And takes advantage of you if you lack resilience.

So keep melting the ice

With all your might

With all the love for yourself you have thought long gone.

© MFA.